Yesterday, was kind of a rough day for me as I just was not happy with where my life is. This happens sometimes as I still struggle with trying to be happier. That is my own struggle and not really what this is about.
But last night I got a call from someone I knew in New York. Someone I met while gaming and someone that I try to keep up with, but I am not always good at that. So, we haven’t spoken in about six months or so and since she is not a fan of social networking (due to some serious trolling last year), there has not been any contact at all.
So after getting caught up and saying how we should visit each other, yada, yada, yada, she then tells me she has thought about killing herself a lot lately.
Damn.
Now, the last time I seriously thought about killing myself was over twenty years ago…so I do get it up to a point. But that was also a LONG time ago. As sad as I can get now it never reaches that point and it just breaks my heart that people still struggle with this…regardless of age. She is one year younger than I am and we want to tell ourselves that the older we get it is easier to deal with our shit. That isn’t always the case and I was really struggling to come up with words of comfort. A lot of that had to do with own mood yesterday, but after I got off the phone I felt like I had not “done enough”. So, I reached out to a few other people I knew in NYC that both of us knew, in hopes they could go see her and give her more comfort than I felt like I did.
I guess the point of this is. Sometimes life is too much. It can be very hard, and lord knows we have the capacity to make it even more so. It can beat you down and make you want to quit. This happens to just about everyone at some point in their lives. I am not saying life is all bad, cuz there is still beauty, and hope and love that anyone can have. If they really want it. I am just saying sometimes it is fucking hard.
In this instance I am glad she reached out to me. I may not have done as much as I felt like I should have, but the people I contacted have been with her since last night. I received a text this morning saying they were going to take care of her and get her the right kind of help.
I don’t pray, but I can send out my own positive thoughts for Julie.
