The importance of sanity

I feel more than a little crazy lately. There are factors; one is my sleeping (or lack thereof).

I am not someone that normally sleeps well. But the last month and a half may be the worst batch of sleeping I have ever had. Hell, this is even with having sleep apnea most of my life. I am also sleeping on maybe the least comfortable air mattress in the history of ever. But I don't have the money for a bed and have even tried sleeping on the floor the last two days.

A friend game me a couple of Ambien over the weekend. Man, if I ever became addicted to a drug it would not be weed, or coke. It would be sleeping pills. It has happened before and is really the only drug I have ever thought could be a problem.

Still, I would take that shit so hard right now. J

I fell asleep at my desk today. I am kind of glad no one saw that as management usually frowns on you sleeping on their dime.

So, this is just adding to all the other things right now.

Beyond that, I am also irritable. Overly sensitive. Anxious. Exhausted. Sad. Defensive. Distracted. I mean REALLY distracted. This is saying something as I can barely hold conversations with people right now without looking up at every damn noise. Yes, I have ADD, but it is never this bad.

Oh and needy. I have NEVER been needy. Never needed people to pay attention to me to this point and get crazy when they don't. Hell, I wish I could say that people are wrong, but I have heard this from three people in the last 24 hours. Kind of hard to ignore all that.

Well, at least now it was. I did a pretty good job of ignoring for the last month or so.

I feel like all I do lately is annoy everyone. Either by being all I mentioned above, or even just kind of rude. Things just popping out of my mouth that even my limited access to a filter ignore. This has happened a lot lately. Where I just kind of snap at people for no real reason.

Apologizing to people all the time is starting to get old. If you are always having to do that, you have a problem.

None of this is an excuse to how I have acted lately. But they are factors, and ones that I have to deal with to get better.

To get sane again.