The importance of home

The importance of home

This is something I think about a lot.

Home is something I have not felt a lot in my life. I spend the first 32 years of my life in Oklahoma, and it never really felt like I belonged there. That isn’t to blame anyone that I was with whether it was friendship, love, or even family. There was always a part of me that knew I would not end up there.

Then I moved to NYC and for the first time in my life, found the peace that you have when you realize you belong somewhere. I had great friends, an awesome neighborhood, and for one brief moment, a beautiful woman that loved me

It was the happiest I have ever been in my life, and wow do I miss that feeling so damn much.  

All of that changed in 2010, when I was laid off.

In just over a year, I lost my love (although that was my fault), I lost my apartment, could not find a job, had NO money,  and lost everything I owned when a storage unit completely screwed me over. As much as I love New York and Queens especially, it is a city that will beat the shit out of you if you are struggling.

That is just the way the city is. Good or bad.

So, I came to Pittsburgh in December of 2011, and have still had a lot of the same struggles.  Especially in the job/money departments. I still cannot get a handle on how I feel about city and I have lived here just a little over two years. There are times when I really enjoy what this city has, and other times where so many things annoy me…and I miss NYC.

It isn’t as simple as moving back to NYC. Hell, the city kind of left few marks on me that make me a bit apprehensive about moving back there. I mean, maybe someday. But soon? I don’t know. The job market is so hard there and that is a huge part of it.

So now? I am a bit in limbo. Things will be better when I get a full time (and long term) job and can  have my own place. It is hard to have a home when you live with jackasses. So, I have to be honest about how much that effects it all.

So, I am still searching for home. Life is about change, and I am trying to be better about accepting that (with mixed results).  But the search is part of it right? I have hope that I can find home again and with that, peace.

All about the journey and all that?